End of Year Update

So I have not posted lately cause I have had nothing new to update.  I did stop gaining weight and lost it, but I have not lost anything other than what I gained.  I did manage somehow not to gain any weight last week over Christmas, even though I eat a ton of bad stuff.  Not taking the hormone pills only lasted a couple days.  So I have been taking the normal doses along with using the creams.  My chest is getting a little fuller.  I still have the double strength hormone pills left.  Soon I will order the triple strength, I think I will get the time release capsules then I only need to take one a day, and it will be easier to take the pill at the same time every day, when I get up.  This coming up year I need to get serious about my weight, meaning not skipping working out, maybe even working out twice a day, no more eating out, trying to eat more salads .. I must lose 20 lbs.  I was so upset that I had not lost any weight, over Christmas there are so many good clothing sales!!  And if I hope to drop weight that means what fits me now will not fit me when I lose the weight.  So no more cloths till I can lose the weight!!!

XOXOXO
Vicky

December Update

So I am back from my extended family vacation.  Today I was able to shave my legs for the first time this winter.  The vacation was down south where it was warm and I was in shorts, so I have been unable to shave my legs till now.  It feels so good to have smooth shaved legs in nylons again!  Also I did not take my 'medication' while I was away.  I think the hormones have been causing me to gain weight, I know that is a side effect.  So for the rest of December I am going to not take hormones and focus on working out and taking the diet pills and trying to lose weight.  I am going to be a vegetarian for the next few weeks and see if that helps me.  Also cut out drinking calories, only water.

XOXOXO
Vicky

Update

Been a couple weeks since my last update.  This past week I stopped taking everything other than the diet pills.  So the I guess it was 3 weeks ago I started to gain weight and was always over tiered.  I am not sure what was causing this as I had started the diet pills, and the creams, and the patch, and upped my hormones to double strength.  So it might have been one thing or a combination so I stopped it all.  I was to dead to workout so that might have been why I gained weight.  I no longer am over tiered so this weekend I am starting working out again and will start taking the hormone pills along with the diet pills.  I will give it a week and see how I am before i add in the patch, and then after that the creams.

XOXOXO
Vicky

Hormone Update

Got my newest hormone order today.  This has 3 months worth of diet pills.  It is interesting that their instructions say to take at 9 am and 3pm ... that seems close together but I will follow it.  I also got hormone creams and patches.  So my new plan for my medicine is 3 times a day (trying to be 8 hours between) I take double strength Hormone Replacement Theropy, double strength Anti-Androgen, and double strength Oestrogen Accelerator pills.  In the mornings after I shower I will be putting on an Oestrogen Hormone Precursor 24 hour patch.  And at night I will be using triple strength nipple development cream, triple strength breast development cream, and triple strength hourglass figure cream (I am using it on my waist and sides hoping it will help reduce my love handles), and also at night last time I got a free container of a triple strength Anti-Androgen gel that you rub into your scrotum.  I will see how this all works on me.

XOXOXO
Vicky

Just made another hormone order

So the codes in the ad they send in my last order did not work, so I did not bother to get another 3 months of hormones, tonight I am just starting on the next 3 months of pills so I will wait.  But I did order 3 months of the diet pills, and this week they had a special where you got free hormone body patches.  So I decided to order some body hormone creams.  I ordered their 1 month triple strength hourglass figure cream, 1 month triple strength nipple cream, and 1 month triple strength breast cream.  This was enough to get me 3 free months of hormone 1 a day patches.  So now when this newest stuff comes in I will really be stepping it up.  I will have 2 different doses of anti-androgen ... 3 times a day I will take pills and at night I will use the gel on my testicles and shaft.  I will have 2 different forms of oestrogen hormone .. 3 times a day I will take pills and I will have a one a day patch on.  I will be using diet pills ... and creams on my waist, tummy, nipples, and breasts.  Oh and not to mention the Oestrogen Accelerator pills.

XOXOXO
Vicky

Tonight I start the double strength hormones

So I am almost out of my single strength hormones, I still have some of the HRT pills left, so tonight I will start the double strength pills and probably take one single strength HRT pill as an extra one for a few days till I use them all up.


I have been really good about working out and watching what I eat .. my waist has gotten a little smaller, my pants and belt are looser .. but I am not really dropping any weight.  So as soon as I am done posting this I am going to go order 3 months of the weight reduction pills from http://www.transformation.co.uk/.  I also have a code from my last order to get triple strength Oestrogen time release pills and Anti-Androgen time release pills at 1/3 the cost, so I will be ordering 3 months of those also tonight.  With the time release I just take one pill of each a day and do not need to worry about taking more.  Then I will be all set with hormones for the next 6 months.  I might start trying the new Anti-Androgen gel they send me free with my double strength order .. it is rubbed into the testicles and shaft.

XOXOXO
Vicky

11 weeks on hormones update

So 11 weeks now on hormones, now mind you I am on their low level dosage.  I do notice 2 changes ... my breasts seem a little fully and my manhood seems to take a bit more to get excited and soften up much faster now.  It does make tucking easier!  Soon I should have my delivery of the next 3 months of hormones, I upped the strength this time.  I am working out on a regular basis now.  Cardio once a day (either biking or elliptical machine) and each day I do 40 min of xbox fitness (yoga or pilates or Brazilian butt).  I am losing some weight, I think I went up a little at the start of this week cause I am toning muscle some and muscle weights more than fat, but I know I am losing fat by my waist size and how my clothing fits me.  The Garcinia Cambogia was giving me dry mouth so I cut back to only one serving in the morning, but after a couple days to get used to it I am up to 2 serverings (morning and night).  http://www.transformation.co.uk/ has a weight lose pill which I think in a couple weeks I will order and try and see if that will help me speed up weight lose, also once i drop fat I hope it will help me drop muscle also.

XOXOXO
Vicky

Just ordered my next 3 months of Hormones

So cause my order was high enough I got free Anti Androgen Gel that is to be rubbed into your testicles.  I am going to wait to use these till my 3rd set of pills and pick up the estrogen production Gel pills that you also rub into your testicles.  Then I will add them to my regular pills.  I also did not get the hair stimulate cause it cost almost as much as the other 3 items, and I do think the other stuff is helping fight hair loss.  Currently they are having a sale for buy 1 get 1 free for triple strength ... so I might order the 3rd round of stuff sooner than i need them to get the saving on them.

XOXOXO
Vicky

Workout plans for this coming week

So for working out I plan to workout twice a day this coming week.  Either in the morning I will bike before work or I will go to the gym at lunch and do the elliptical machine.  I really like the elliptical machines as they have arm workouts also, so you get cardio on your arms while you work your legs, and the machine says I am burning more calories .. which I think might be more accurate than my bike cause the elliptical machine asks for age and weight.  Then for my second workouts I plan to do 20 to 30 min of yoga/pilates on the xbox fitness program.  Today I did 4 10 min workouts for my workout.  I did 2 different ab workouts and 2 different lower body workout.  I can change it up so that I am working different parts of my body on different days with the xbox.  Also I can focus on butt and thighs or abs.  They do have a really good Brazilian butt workout that is like 40 min that I used to do.  Also they have Samba workouts .. I might buy them, a dancing workout will help me with moving and dancing as a woman.  I need to do more xbox dancing games to learn to dance like a girl does.

XOXOXO
Vicky

Today is probably the last day I will be able to tan this year.

I wish I had more time to work on my tan lines more, but I think this is going to be the last weekend that I will be able to tan.  Next week I am busy all weekend, then I am away for the weekend, then I have company visiting me for the weekend.  And after that it will probably be to cold to be outside in a little bikini.  I started late working on my upper body tan lines, originally I was just tanning with a bikini bottom.  A while back i picked up a swimsuit from Skin Italy, their Valentine Limited Edition bikini set and decided this year I would tan in that.  There is a cutout out heart on the top of the right butt, and the sides are open with string ties.  Here is a picture of it, but without the side ties.  I do have to say that the heart on my butt is not anywhere as clean as the image shows, it is hard to get the swimsuit lined up perfectly.  Maybe I just need to lay in the sun on my tummy for many hours to get it that perfect.

So originally I was just wearing the bottom to tan, but then I picked up a new 2 piece swimsuit from Victoria's Secrets, a cute strappy set, so I started to wear that top with the above bottoms.  The center is open and it wraps around the back of you.  Then there are crossing straps over the breasts that cross around your neck.  There is another bottom strap that crosses around to your back.

I also picked up their one piece version of this bikini and was going to wear that to get tan line straps over my tummy, but it covered up my bottom fully and when I tanned my back I could not work on my heart butt tan.  So I picked up a new strappy one-piece swimsuit that I have started to wear under the 2 pieces.  The back is small and I am able to pull it fully between my butt so my checks are left uncovered so when I put on the bikini bottoms I can still work on the heart tan.

So now I have been working on getting a nice strappy pattern tan lines.  But I started working on the top tan later, and the tummy tan just recently.  So I wish I had more time to tan.

Last year when I tanned i just had on a thong from Marlies Dekkers, it had a metal triangle just over the butt with some straps.  I have to say I did love the tan lines it left over my butt!!!  Maybe next year I will go back to thong tanning, not sure what I will use for a top/front tan.  Maybe I will just wear the same thong as last year and the bra top that goes with it to get a nice tan on my chest.

XOXOXO
Vicky

10 weeks on hormones!

So I have been taking hormones now for 10-weeks!  I need to order my next 3 months of hormones tomorrow.  This time I am upping form standard strength to double strength.  I still have anti-body hair cream from my first order so this time I will also get hair regrowth cream for the top of my head (I am starting to lose my hair).  I am waiting till my 3 order of triple strength hormones before I order breast and nipple growth cream (that will be in December).  This winter I also plan to get my belly button pierces and probably my ears, but for my ears the question will be can I hide the healing plugs under a hat so people do not see I just got them pierced.  I want to get my tongue pierced also, but I am not sure if I will be able to this winter or not, I need to be able to take a week off work to let my tongue heal some before I can get it pierced .. and I am not sure if I can this xmas, if not next xmas I will get my tongue pierced.

Working out is going well.  I think I am about 5 lbs down this morning.  I have been good about working out.  I started trying to eat vegetarian when I can, less calories and less protein so I hope my body will slim down more.  I have not been eating out and trying to watch how much I eat.  I also started taking Garcinia Cambogia, they claim it helps you burn fat, not store fat, and curb your apatite.  They say to take it before every meal, but when I tried taking it before breakfast and dinner I found i was getting dry mouth, so now i am only taking it before breakfast, after a few days I will try against also before dinner and see if I am used to it or not.

XOXOXO
Vicky

Update

So I think I went a little to hard to fast on working out.  I think it has been 6 or so months since I worked out.  I was trying to work out daily and if I could twice a day.  That was to much to fast, yes I can do it, yes I will get there, actually I will get back to 3 times a day, but I think it was to much to fast.  So this week I am toning it down to once every other day.  And next week I will start workout 2 days, then a day off, then 2 days.  Then the 3rd week every day, then the 4th week try to do workout 2 times once or twice that week.  Easy back into it.

What is my end goal?  By the end of this year I want to be under 150 lbs, I only stand 5'8" so that is a health good weight, that is an achievable weight.  I often get down to 150 lbs and then stop working out till I slowly gain weight, then I workout again and get back down to it.  I have accepted that I just need to not stop working out, I need to tone it down when I get down in weight, but I need to not stop and go crazy eating :(  It is life and if I want a nice feminine figure I need to work out.  Last time I got down to 150 lbs my waist was measuring around 27" give or take.  I was wearing a size small/6 skirt (and size small/4 I could almost wear).  I know I can get there.  I also know it will not take till the end of the year to get there.  I have 3.5 months till the year is over, I know it only takes me 2 months or so to get back down to 150 lbs.  The hard part is getting lower.  I need to get lower, but that will be another goal for next year.  To be honest I do not care what the end weight is as long as I do not have waist fat (no love handles) and my inner thighs do not touch each other when I stand up straight.  I would like to be as thin as I can, but really the end number does not matter if I have the figure.  I am taller than the average woman, I know I am wider shouldered then the average woman, I probably have larger bones then the average woman.  This will all effect my end weight.  I just want to have a womanly figure.  So I guess having a goal of 150 lbs by the end of the year is good, cause that means I need to lose it and keep it off, meaning I need to keep watching what I eat and working out.  And maybe just doing that will help me slowly get even lower before the year is over.

XOXOXO
Vicky

8 weeks on hormones now!

So it has been 8 weeks that I have been taking hormones now.  And I think it is starting to effect my 'manhood'.  I went a week last week without jerking off and never had a wet dream, before if I do not jerk off on a regular basis I have wet dreams.  I think it is also taking more and more to get me hard, also sometimes I do not even get fully hard.

I am keep working out, biking and elliptical trainer.  I am not loosing weight yet, not sure why, I have cut down my calorie intake and trying to up my calorie burn.  Maybe it is the hormones?  I will soon put in a new order for another 3 month supply of hormones, and this time I will get double strength.

XOXOXO
Vicky

Biked twice today

So I was able to get my lazy ass up and out of bed early enough to bike before work.  I also biked again after work.  This is a good start!  My leg are dead right now, my thighs, which is good, I need to burn off bulk, I hope on hormones my testosterone is lower so when I break down muscle I hope my body does not rebuild as much.  I might need to wait till I get on the triple strength hormones before I really see a difference working out.  Friday is 7 weeks out of 3 months.  Once I hit 8 weeks I will reorder 3 more months of hormones at double strength, then when those are done I will get 3 months of triple strength.  I think next time I order I will get a breast pump and hair regrowth cream for my head.  And the 3rd time I reorder get some breast and nipple creams.

XOXOXO
Vicky

Working out

So 2 days down this week and 2 days I biked.  Monday I only biked 20 min, today I biked 25 min, the bike said I burnt 140 calories.  I am only on setting 1, I will probably be there for a bit while I get back used to biking daily.  If I can get up early enough tomorrow I will try to bike before work, and then again after work.  I need to get off my lazy ass and work out and drop weight so I can get a more feminine body.

XOXOXO
Vicky

6 weeks of hormones now

So 6 weeks now on hormones.  I am not sure if it is because of the hormones or because I have been much better about my eating, but I lost 3 lbs this past week.  I was much better about not eating as much, and trying to eat healthier.  I am still not working out, so in order to kick myself in the butt ... starting Monday I am not going to let myself do anything girly till I bike, so no dressing up, no makeup, no riding my Love Glider, no anal play, no touching myself, no looking at porn, no looking at what girl clothing I want to buy next, no scented baths ... none until I work out for the day.  So I can either use the elliptical machine at work during lunch, or bike as soon as I get home from work (or if I get can my lazy butt up in the morning I can bike before work), but I need to do one thing before I can be myself ... I know the elliptical is better for my legs then the bike, biking they say builds your thigh muscles and I want to trim down my thighs, but I have one at home and it is easier to do it on my own time as sometimes work is busy and I do not always take lunch (or skipping lunch means I get to go home earlier also).  But since I just need to workout and lose weight .. biking for now is okay, once I get smaller then I will need to really see how it effects my thighs and if I need to switch to some other workout.

XOXOXO
Vicky

5 Weeks on Hormones

So I past week 5.  I do really think it is working.  The hair on my chest is much lighter and smoother, I can still feel it, but it is much harder to see.  And my butt I do not really feel any hair at all.  I will keep using the hair removal cream till it is done, but then when I reorder in 3 weeks I do not think I will get more hair removal cream.  As for my bust, I do really think my breasts are filling out more.  I am not getting breast nub growth under the nipples (when I first tried hormones and freaked out was when I started to get the small ball under the nipple grew that pushed my nipple out .. like a natural girl would grow .. I am not getting this), but they are fuller.  This morning when I woke up and looked down (I was on my side) it really looked like I had some cleavage they way my body was laying.  They fill out my bra a little better, they are a little more full in my hands!  I really want to pick up breast hormone cream, but I am going to wait till my 3rd order for that, give my body more time to adjust to hormones before I start in on creams.

XOXOXO
Vicky

4 weeks on hormones done!

So yesterday was the start of week 5 on hormones!  I do really think my breasts are filling out a little more.  They look a little fully and more solid.  I also think my waist might be getting smaller cause my belt seems to be getting looser.  I am not sure if the hair is decreasing or not yet, think I might need more time on that (and maybe stop shaving it down).

I also must say that I was able to get the 8" vac-u-lock dildo into my ass, I am using it right now with the Love Glider.  I am a little surprised at how easily it fit into my ass today.  I cannot say enough how much I love this thing.  God so much.  I could ride this thing all day long, and I might for the rest of the day! :)

XOXOXO
Vicky

I cannot say enough how much I love my Love Glider Fucking Machine

Yea I cannot say it enough ... it feels so damn good!  So much better than using a dildo by hand on myself.  It penetrates me better, it feels so much better, I can make it go faster and deeper than I can with my hands, I love the movement I have to do to fuck myself.  I enjoy the rocking back and forth, rolling my hips and ass as I move and it pushes in and out of me.  I have not yet tried the larger 8" dildo that I also bought along with it.  But today again I started with the anal dildo as it is very nicely tapered and then after a while moved on to the penis dildo that came with it.  It feels so good!  And I have to fight the urge to go on craigslist and find a real man.

XOXOXO
Vicky

God I love the Love Glider Fucking Machine!!!

This is my new computer chair!!  I will use this every time I sit down at my computer. Currently I have the anal plug on it.  It also comes with a dildo attachment and I picked up the 8" vac-u-loc dildo also, that thing is much bigger and I will need to work up to that.  God this is so good!!!  While I have used dildos on myself before I have never been able to 'fuck' myself like this before.  With my own hip movement I can control how this thing fucks me, how deep it goes, how quickly it goes. 

Okay I am going to swap out the anal for the dildo one.  brb.

So the anal one is very tapered and small at the tip, the dildo has a penis head that is much bigger.  It feels much better going in and out of my ass.  It took a few rocks to get used to it.  It is also ringed with ribs that feel so good going in and out of my ass.  It is so nice and lined up to you, I can rock back and let the head fully come out of my ass an when I rock forwards it easily slides right back into my ass perfectly.  Feels so good to be fucked, makes want a real man now!!!  I am dripping so much already.  Why did I wait so long to get this thing!  It feels so god damn good inside my ass!!!! yes more.  Currently I am naked, I want to get get a dress and bra on and then ride this thing.

I am going to go enjoy this.  god it feels so good.

XOXOXO
Vicky

I just ordered my Love Glider Fucking Machine!!!

So I just ordered my Love Glider Fucking Machine.  I was looking at it and saw that they are having a huge sale!  If you spend $249 you get 25% off your order!!!  That really makes the lover glider more affordable.  Now it is $366.75 instead of $489.00.  I also ordered the 8" vac-u-lock dildo to use with it.  I ordered it next day so it should ship tomorrow and I should have it Wednesday night!!!  Woot!  I cannot wait for this thing!  And sure enough as soon as I ordered it my credit card called me about fraud hehehehe, no this is not fraud :)  Once I get it and try it I will post up my thoughts and reviews on it, I just know I will love it!

XOXOXO
Vicky

3 weeks on hormones now!

Tomorrow (Friday) is 3 weeks on hormones now!!  I figured I would post up now cause I am not sure if I will get time this weekend to post.  So 3 weeks .. not a long time in reality, it does kind of seem like it has been a while, but I know it really has not.  Any changes?  I think so.  While my weight has not changed (it bounces 1 or 2 lbs a day up and down, so really staying in the same area, but again I have not really been working out much so I do not expect much change here .. I really need to get off my lazy ass and workout) .. but my belt does seem to be a little looser on my waist I think (now this could all just be in my head, but I think my pant waistband is a little looser.  Body hair ... I am not sure about my chest, I normally keep it shaved close, and shave often, I have not shaved it for a week, so this weekend I will shave it and then wait and see how it look in another month.  The hair on my butt though I have not needed to shave at all in the last 3 months!  Now remember I have had electrolysis on my butt an chest, so I have had it thinned and some removed before the hormone hair removal cream.  The hair on my head or face I do not think has changed any.  I am still able to get hard, fully hard, and ejaculate, so no change there.  I do feel that my erections go down much much faster when I do get one, they do not linger (even if I do not get off they go away faster I think).  And now for the big important part .... my breasts ... again this could all be in my head .. but I really think they are a bit fuller, they feel heavier in my hands.  I think they are just filling out, not getting bigger, just getting a little more weight to them.  I know this could all be in my head, but I am happy thinking that I am getting some chest mass and will have to wait and see how things are in another month or two.

XOXOXO
Vicky

Wigs

So for any girl out there that is having trouble with her hair like I do then you need to get a wig.  Originally I used to wear cheap costume wigs, but to be honest you get what you pay for, as in they look cheap!  If you really want something that looks good you will need to spend a little money, I have found that a good wig will run you around $200 to $300.  You want to make sure you get a Monofilament wig, meaning each hair strand is attached separately.  A lace front is also nice to have.  I have not spent the money on a human hair wig yet cause they run around $1000, and to be honest when you brush a wig you do lose hair from it like a person would, and you really do need to brush your wig every time you put it on and take it off or it will get knotted up and not look or feel good at all.  Also you do need to wash your wig every so often or the hair starts to feel nasty.  I really like Best Wig Outlet.  I think they have a good selection, their prices are good, and they keep emailing me 30% off coupons for more wigs.

I currently am wearing only long wigs because I think it is more girly (I need to get a medium length ones at some point).  The 2 wigs I am wearing are a blond Lola (I think it is the24B613 in the picture) and a red Amanda (I forget the color number).  I got the Lola cause I wanted a wig with bangs, the wig's bangs are longer than they look in the pictures and I comb them to the side.  I have thought about cutting them shorter to just over my eyes, but I have not yet since they will not 'grow back'.  I do love the Lola, but the Amanda wig is a thicker wig with more hair strands in it so it is easier to do things with (like pigtails).

XOXOXO
Vicky

I am back home now.

Time to start on my short term goal and see how eating under 1000 calories a day is ... I have not had dinner yet and I am starving!!!!  But only 1/2 a cup of cereal and 1/2 a cup of milk.  I know after a week of eating like this I will not be so hungry.  But no working out tonight, I was at work late trying to catch up on what I missed while I was away last week.  I know I really should just go bike, but I am lazy today after my first day back at work.  And I have things I need to do at home (like laundry and cleaning) since I am back home.

XOXOXO
Vicky

Short term goals

So starting next week, I cannot this week because I will be traveling some and busy for the rest of this week, so starting next Monday ... my goals are to bike every day for 25 min (1 TV episode with no commercials) and eat under 1000 calories a day.  Cereal is 3/4 a cup per serving, every morning I eat 1/2 a cup of cereal and 1/2 a cup of skim milk, this is around 150 calories.  Mid morning I have a yogurt which is about 150 calories.  Then lunch I eat frozen Healthy Choice meals which are between 200 to 300 calories (they have 25% of my daily salt, and some protean, but not a lot).  Then mid afternoon is another yogurt snack which is another 150 calories, and then dinner will be cereal again.  That is 800 to 900 calories a day.  I have eaten that little before when I was working on losing weight so I know I can do it for a month at a time.  I just need to commit and do it.  I need to not drink any calories, those are the worst, meaning no alcohol! and not eat any junk foods (chips/cookies/candy).  While I do like junk food, I have strong will when it comes to not eating it, alcohol is my downfall .. so I need to be strong and not drink any next week.  Then after a week I will see what I weigh and how it effects my waist line.  I really want to get back down my weight.  I graduated high school weighing 130 lbs so I should be able to get down to 140 lbs.  My biggest problem is when I first found out about transsexual women I tried to lie to myself about my desires and went crazy in the gym lifting weights so I now have a lot of body bulk that I need to work hard on getting ride of.

XOXOXO
Vicky

The first time I saw a transsexual woman

I think the first time I actually saw a transsexual woman was around 2000/2001.  I remember it was Raquel Reyes (I have started to post up my pictures of transsexual women on Luscious.net, so this link is to my pictures of her).  I was totally fascinated with her.  She was so beautiful with nice large breasts, but she had a cock hanging between her legs.  I new there were gay and lesbian people, but I had never every in a million years thought about a transsexual person.  I could not look away from her.  I searched more and more about her and found her web site.  I could not stop looking at her.

The next day she was all I could think about at work.  I kept closing my eyes and see her in my head.  I was hard all day thinking about her.  She was so sexy and beautiful, she was perfect!  I went home early 'sick' and the first thing I did when I got home was log onto her site and buy a membership and download every picture I could of her.  When I was done that I started looking for other beautiful transsexual women.  I think the second girl I found was Sapphire .  She is so pretty, so small and petite, little breasts, and her cock was so tiny between her legs.  She was an Asian girl, I have always had a thing for Asian girl and petite girls.  Looking at her pictures made me want to be a girl like her.  While I was fascinated with Raquel Reyes and loved looking at how sexy she way .. it was Sapphire that first made me think I wanted to be a girl like her too.  After seeing her I started looking in to online chat as a transsexual woman, claiming I was not functional because of hormones and a bottom only, and only changing to a girl if I could not find someone that wanted to chat with a transsexual woman.  She had such a small butt and little legs, and she looked so sexy showing it off on all fours, it just made me want to be like that. 

While looking at her Sapphire me want to be a girl like her, it was Nefertitit that made me want to be a bottom.  She is a hot sexy fit ebony girl with big breasts and a monster cock between her legs.  Looking at her and watching her top a guy made me instantly want to be a bottom for her.  (she also was the first girl I saw top a guy).  Watching her work her bottoms just made me want to bottom for her.

So here it was 2 days, one day to find out about transsexual woman, and the second day to quickly go from wanting to be one, to wanting to sexually be one.  At first it was wanting one to top me, but before that second night was over I wanted to bottom for a guy also and be like Sapphire.  So you can just think what that did to my mental state.  My whole world was turned upside down.  I was totally infatuated with transsexual women, they were all I could think about, all I did was watch movies of them and look at pictures of them, and wish to be one.  I lied to myself a lot about it, saying it was because I never had a girlfriend that would let me try anal sex.  But really that was a lie.  I went crazy in the gym working out to be all manly to try and fight the thoughts about wanting to be a girl.  I dated more girls trying to lie to myself about it .. but to be honest even when having sex with girls I could not stop thinking about transsexual women and how I wanted to be one.  So I ended up giving up dating girls all together, it was not fair for them, they were looking for a guy that I was not, I just wanted to be like the girls.

XOXOXO
Vicky

Clothing

I am not sure if anyone is reading this blog or not.  But I figured I would post up about clothing in case this helps some other girl like me.  The first couple times I bought girl clothing I was embarrassed and afraid.  I went online to crossdresser web sites and bought clothing from them.  My first advice to any girl is DO NOT buy from crossdresser sites.  Why?  Well because their quality is really bad and they way over charge you for what you get.  If you are looking to buy clothing go buy real women's clothing.  You can do it online or go into a store.  If you are not good with fashion sense going to a store and telling them you are looking for something for your wife or girlfriend is an easy way to get the person working there to help you pick out clothing.  I am really upset that Victoria's Secret no longer sells normal clothing, they had great quality clothes for a very good price!  I still show there for nightgowns and lingerie and swimsuits.  Another good play is Venus, yes Venus the swimsuits, they have very good clothing for a good price.  I will say at first I did not spend as much money on my women's clothing, but if you get the more expensive stuff you really do get better quality clothing.  I also often shop at Bloomingdales, Nordstrom, Boston Proper, Macys.    Another good place to get lingerie is Bare Necessities.  I have just started shopping at Forever21, but their clothes are very much on the small size!  I am also looking to try some stuff from NastyGal

If you are getting a dress or top, then the most important measurement is your chest, over your breasts.  As a guy you are going to be wider here.   Another important thing is your biceps, guys normally have larger arms then women do.  I find for skirts I do not worry about the hips, I look at the waist size.  Guys have slammer hips than girls, and normally larger waists.

So I know they are a little more expensive but currently my 2 favorite lingerie makers are Marlies Dekkers and Dita Von Teese.  Their lingerie is made to be seen and look absolutely gorgeous!!!  They are a bit pricy, but they are just lovely and fit great!!!!
 
XOXOXO
Vicky

Love Glider Fucking Machine

While I love playing with my ass and putting things up there, I have not yet actually been with a guy yet.  I am kind of waiting till I get my body back into shape and get below 150 lbs again.  I need to get off my lazy butt and start working out again and watching what I eat and stop drinking alcohol (that is a lot of taste but wasted calories!).  So I was thinking of getting the Love Glider Fucking Machine so I could practice riding a cock.  Practice how to work a cock with my ass as it goes in and out.  I find it hard when using a dildo with my hands to really work it with my ass.  I want to be able to milk a cock with my ass, practice tightening when he pulls out and loosening when he pushes into me.  I think this would be a great toy to simulate sex so I can work on how to fuck.  This way my first time I will be a pro and make my man happy and cum hard in my ass.  I am thinking I will order this in a couple weeks (along with the 8" dildo).  Once I get it and try it I will post up my review of it

XOXOXO
Vicky

First Week of Hormones is done!

So I have now officially finished my first week on hormones.  No changes to report.  No body changes yet, no body hair changes yet, no breast development yet, no hip growth, no waist slimming, but also no side effects either.  I still get hard, I still get off.  I have noticed that if I do get a random hardon it seems to go soft quickly, not sure if it is any quicker or just I am thinking it is because of the hormones, so cannot really say this is a change.  I really do not expect any changes for a while.  I do not even really expect much changes from this first 3 month round of hormones.  But I am in this for the long run, so I will keep going knowing that there will be changes in the future.  After 2 months I will reorder another 3 month supply but up to the double strength hormones.  I might try picking up breast and nipple development creams (I really want nipples), or I might wait till the 3rd round of 3 month supply when I go to the triple strength.

XOXOXO
Vicky

Online Chatting

I think it was the late 90's I discovered online chatting and I was so excited about it.  While I often looked at pornographic pictures and movies I have to say what really turned me on was reading erotica.  I liked it more because I was able to use my own imagination and my own mind to see what was going on as I read, I was able to add in little extra details, embellish where I thought it was needed.  It is harder to do that when looking at pictures or watching a movie, you see everything there is.  So when I found online sex chatting I was thrilled about it.  This was also before I found out about transsexual women and realized there was such a thing.  I think it was a couple years later that I found transsexual women online, around 2000, maybe 2001.  But that is another post, so back to online chatting.  So I logged in as myself and tried to find a woman to chat with.  Now being a guy it was hard to get women to want to chat, or to get them from leaving the chat.  I was very descriptive and I think the was not what they were looking for, I wanted a story, set up a scene, establish what people were wearing, but it seemed most women just did not care about that, they really did not seem to be that into it, or interested and I found I did most of the typing.  There were also many more guys online then women.  And I always had to hunt down the women to chat with them, and normally it took a while to find one that would actually talk.  I tried different web sites, different names, different approach lines.  But it did not seem to be working.  I am not sure what made me think about this .. but one night I was horny after trying to start several chats and failing that I logged off and logged back on as a women.  I told myself that I would just type what I wished the girl would do to me, it was not gay, I was not doing this to the guy, I was thinking about what the girl would do to me.  I instantly got several PMs about wanting to chat.  I have to say my heart was beating fast and I was excited.

So I spent that night talking with guys about sucking them off and being fucked by them.  The guys liked my descriptions, my focus on detail.  The guys seemed to like how I chatted and talked with them.  They liked me setting up a scene for them, tell them what I was wearing.  I also did not realize it at first .. but I was not really thinking about what I wanted a girl to do to me, I was actually picturing myself as the girl doing this to them.  But once I realized it it really did not bother me because I was turned on by it.  So I kept talking with guys night after night and being the girl.  I went online and read and watched videos about giving blow jobs so I could better describe what I was doing to them.  I watched porn to research the girl so I could better chat online with guys about being fucked.  I also figured out that many guys would not ask about anal sex, but if I brought it up they would jump at it.  So I started shifting away from talking about vaginal sex to anal sex .. and fingering my butt while talking with them.  I also created a special email account as a girl so I could email people when they wanted to keep in touch or try to coordinate chatting.  I scraped the net for pictures of girls I could send to guys and say I was here.  I need girls that had different photo shoots so I could have different outfits to send and pretend it was me.  I wanted ones that did not look like there were done in a photo studio, and having some naked pictures was also great to send along (a favorite was Divinity18 also known as Jayden, I think she was underage when she started posting pictures, but she never showed her nipples, most of the pictures she had clothes on but she always stripped but covered her breasts, so you only got side or bottom or top boob view, never nipple or full naked breasts ... guys online seemed to really like this.  I actually paid for her web site so I could get her pictures to use online and say I was her! Here are some online pictures of her to link1 link2 link3  link4  I have over 4,000 pictures of her).  I created different personalities to go with the different girls in the pictures.  I had one girl that was young, petite and slutty, one that was and older milf with large breasts, I sometimes pretended I was a trophy wife looking to cheat on my husband, or an athletic girl in college, or a black girl, or Asian, or Hispanic.  It got to the point where I needed to keep notes on which girl I was with which guy, which pictures I was wending to who.  I was way more popular as a woman online chatting by a billion times than I was as a guy trying to chat with girls.

Now this was shortly after college, and I was kind of between my crossdressing times.  I did not have my sister's old clothes and had not yet started to buy my own women's clothing.  But this pushed me into it, I went out and bought some clothes to wear while chatting with guys about being a girl.  I would dress up so I could explain to them what I had on (I always altered how I explained it to fit my mood .. but if I said I had a dress on I did have some kind of dress on, if I said I had a skirt and blouse I would have a skirt and blouse on for real) and slowly strip while chatting with them before jerking off myself.

A couple years later when I found out about transsexual women I quickly shifted my online persona to be a transsexual woman.  Back then there were some nights I would have trouble finding a guy that wanted to talk with a transsexual woman and I would just change names and be a normal girl for that night.  Now a days I never had trouble finding guys to talk with as a transsexual woman.  I still chat online a good amount, I go through times where I chat more and others where I chat less.  I even sometimes join gay chat channels as just be a sissy boy in a dress, but most of the time I play the transsexual woman that I wish I was.

XOXOXO
Vicky

Almost done my first week of hormones!

So tomorrow will be the end of my first week on hormones!  Yea!  Not really much changes yet, which is to be expected.  I really do not expect much change over this first 3 months.  I figure the second 3 months when I up to the double strength hormones might start to show some change.  I figure this first 3 months is my body getting used to it, slowing down my testosterone production and increasing my estrogen production.  There are 2 things I do hope might change over the first 3 months .. I hope my body hair does lessen and I hope my waist gets smaller.  I need to get off my lazy butt and start working out again .. and that will help my figure.  It would also be nice if my chest gets a little more mass, but I understand breast development takes a long time .. could be over a year.  I would rather develop slower and be healthier than fast and not be health and have issues later on.

XOXOXO
Vicky

And yet another sign .....

So something I forgot in my last post as another sign I should have realized .... I used to suck myself off.  Yea I was very flexible as a kid and I could actually get my lips half way around my head and suck.  And sticking my tongue out I could reach all of my head and just the edge of the shaft.  And I used to love it!  It felt so good to have my warm wet lips on my head.  I would flip my legs over my head and suck myself and jerk off into my mouth.  I never thought it was wrong, or strange, or gay.  It just felt good.  And when I cam I just swallowed it.  Again it did not seem wrong or gay, it was in my mouth.  There was no where to put it in my bedroom, so I would just swallow it.  I never gave it a second thought.  The first time I tried it and I cam I just sucked and swallowed it down.

Now that I am older and badly out of shape I can no longer suck myself.  I have lost a lot of my flexibility but an still more flexible then the average person.  I need to get my gut into shape so I can suck myself again.  While I cannot touch my lips to my head anymore I still do swallow my own cum.  Sometimes I will flip my legs over and shot onto my face.  Sometimes I cum into a shot glass and shot it after.  But the most recent thing I found that i love is the flesh light!!!!  I take it out of the case.  Push myself into it, flip my legs over and put my lips on the bottom opening.  So now when I cum it aims it into my mouth.  Before when I would cum on my face I often would get it all over, this way I get it all into my mouth.

XOXOXO
Vicky

Why am I this way?

Over the last decade I have tried to understand myself.  Struggling  with what I was feeling, who I was, why I am this way.  I have often wondered if there was something wrong with me.  Wondered where I went 'wrong'.  Looking back over my life I think there are many 'signs' pointing towards the way I am, things that point to me being me.  Most of them alone do not say why I am the way I am ... but looking at them all as a whole maybe was signs?

So I love the color pink, it is my favorite color, second is light purple.  I have always lied about it, always said blue or green.  If there was a game where I could be the pink peg, I would always take it and try to make it look like I was not looking, and if someone pointed it out I would just say oh I did not realize it, well I started with this one so I will keep going with it.  It was hard to get clothing that was pink as a boy.

My favorite thing to play with was my older sister's Barbie dolls.  I just used to love playing dress-up with them, fixing their hair, making them talk together, go out shopping, on dates with Ken, having a wedding.  If I wanted to do something with my sister she always said it had to be Barbies, I pretended like I did not want to play, but secretly loved it.  My father did not like me playing with dolls, so my mother got me some ken dolls, I even had the six million dollar man 'action figure' doll.  But I normally just dropped them for a Barbie.

My second favorite thing to play was dressing up in my sister's ballerina costumes and putting on shows with her for my mother.  I always tried to pick a pink leotard and tutu.

I loved dressing up in my older sister's clothing.  I think if I had to pick one thing ... I think that might have been 'what was wrong with me' why I am the way I am.  So from before I can remember my mother and sister used to dress me up in her old clothes like a living doll.  They did my hair (sometimes in curlers) and put makeup on me.  And I would spend the day like that playing around the house.  They might change my outfits several times throughout the day.  My mother always made sure I was back to normal before my father came home.  But as all things, at some point you get caught.  One day my father came home early and saw me like this and totally lost it.  After that I was dressed up less and less.  My mother used to say that my father would not approve and we need to stop.  So one day I dressed myself up.  I put on makeup, I looked like a scary clown.  And I sat down to play.  When my mother saw me she freaked out.  She did not know what to do.  I got in so much trouble, and that taught me to hide myself.  So I did.  Being young I was never left home alone and could not really find a time to dress up.  Sometimes if I thought I had a little time I would sneak into my sisters room and dress-up even if for only 5 min before quickly changing back.  I started to wear her panties under my normal clothes so I could have something girl on.  The pinker, cuter, rufflier the better.  I even would steal her pajamas and nightshirts to sleep in, quickly changing when I woke up before I left my room and hiding it between my mattress and box spring.  As I got older and was left home alone I would spend any second I was home alone dressed as a girl.  I remember the first time I was left alone.  As soon as the door closed I rushed to my sister's room, looking back I should have waited till they drove away, but I did not.  I remember exactly what I put on.  I put on soft pink cotton panties, a white little training bra, and a dark purple fuzzy dress it was knee length and had long sleeves, a square neck, and fitted tight at the waist.  I put on a thin black belt and a large brim sun hat.  I just sat around the house and played like that.  I loved the feeling of that dress against my skin, it became my favorite thing to wear.

Looking back I think the biggest sign of my sexuality might have been that the first time I did anything sexual was putting the leg of a Barbie doll in my butt.  I do not know why I did it.  I was home alone.  I was playing with the Barbies.  I went into the bathroom to go pee and brought one of them in with me.  I got up from the toilet my panties around my ankles, lifted up the skirt I was wearing and pushed the leg against my ass.  It did not go in easily so I got out the Vaseline and lubed it up and pushed it back against my ass and it went in so easily and painlessly.  If you think about it a Barbie doll leg is perfect, the toes are tapered and thin, the leg gets a little thicker as it goes up, the thickest point is not very thick, it can bend, and the upper body is a great handle!  I remember leaning against the sink bent forwards a little with my legs spread as wide as the panties would let me and worked my butt with the Barbie doll's leg while looking at myself in the mirror.  I had on a hot pink tank top with ruffles on the shoulders, the skirt was a simple white flowing skirt that was knee length with dark purple flowers printed on it, white cotton panties at my ankles, and a white bra stuffed with socks.  That was my first sexual experience, not jerking off, but working my ass.  Yea that should have told me something.  But it felt so good.  God it felt so good.  Over time I tried different things.  I do not know where I got it from or why, but I had a gold painted railroad spike.  That was good, the bottom was blunt and tapered, it was thicker than a Barbie doll leg (but not as thick as both legs), and the top was flat and large and something to hold onto as I worked my ass with it.  I tried a drumstick, but did not like it, was afraid I would push it in to far and hurt myself.  I tried food .. carrots, cucumbers, bananas ... did not like it as much.  I would just either use the railroad spike or the Barbie doll's leg.  I also learned quickly that the smell of your ass does not wash off easily, so I would use saran wrap to wrap the leg or spike first before I used Vaseline on it.

It took me a few times working my butt with the Barbie doll before I even tried jerking off.  So another sign ... the first time I got off I had a Barbie doll leg up my ass ... yea I should have seen this.  So like most boys I jerked off to women, I would look at any kind of magazine I could find, my sister always had tons of girl teen magazines that I would steal and jerk off to.  Now when I say jerk off to pictures ... I was not thinking about the women sexually, as in wanting to have sex with them.  No I was thinking about how the looked, how the outfits fit them, how sexy they looked, or how cute they looked, sometimes I wished my sister would get the outfits so I could wear them (that really got me horny, thinking wanting their clothes .. this should have been a sign to me), but never once did I think about wanting to fuck them, that thought never entered my mind.  I had gotten my hands on some playboys from a friend, and I used to jerk off to them also, but again never thinking sexually about the woman, it was more looking at her gorgeous body and being amazed by how it looked, how soft it looked, how sexy it looked, how lucky she way, but again it was never about wanting to have sex with her.  I do remember thinking she was lucky for her body .. but never really remember wanting to have her body.  I do remembering wishing I could fill out the dress and blouses like they did, but at that point I never thought about being them.  I just wanted to fit in the clothing better and not need socks in the bras.

Wow, this turned out to be a long post.  I just started writing and thinking about my childhood and this post happened.  Well I need to get breakfast and caffeine in me.  So I am going to go for now.  Need to use my anti-body hair cream!

XOXOXO
Vicky

First full day on hormones!

Well today is my first full day on hormones!  So far I do not see any side effects, no dizziness or head aches, no stomach aches.  Another side effect can be hot flashes, none so far, but I think those take a little time before you have them.

So what is my end goal?  A woman's figure.  So I stand 5'8".  A couple years ago I was down to 148 or so pounds and size 6 skirts were getting very lose in the waistline which measured at 27", but size 4 skirts where to tight.  So since I was that size I can get there again, just need to not get lazy and slack and gain back the weight.  Currently I am around 167 or so lbs, been bouncing around 2 lbs up or down around there for the last week or 2.  Really I do not care what my end weight is, as long as I have the woman's figure.  My upper body has muscle bulk from when I was younger and did not understand my sexuality, and I thought that if I got more manly it would go away so I worked out a lot.  Now I have all that muscle bulk on my body, I hope the hormones will help me drop some of that.  I might lift lots of light reps and see if that helps burn down the muscle and with the hormones and anti testosterone pills not build it back up (I hope).  But I think I need to wait a month or two before I try that to let the hormones get into my body and effect me.  I also would like it if my thighs did not tough on the inside, my legs are big, and I want to thin them down.  When I was younger I actually used to weigh like 130 lbs ... I wonder if I can get back down to that weight?  I would be happy with around 140 lbs.  But really I do not care as long as I have a woman's figure.  And do not wear anything larger than a woman's size Medium.  Currently on most clothing I do wear medium.

XOXOXO
Vicky

Got my hormones today!!!

I started taking my hormones today!  If I had actually looked at my mail yesterday instead of putting it on the table, I would have seen the slip from the post office that my package was in and I could have gotten it yesterday.  So I have now taken one dose of the pills! 

XOXOXO
Vicky

Why take hormones?

So why am I starting taking hormones now?  Well I have been thinking a lot about hormones for a while now.  And the web site I got them from is running a sale where everything is like 50% off, so it was much cheaper to try it now, so if you are interested go see my earlier post and go check our their store.

And what do I hope to get out of this?  Well many things.  I hope to better feminize my body so I fit into women's clothing better.  I hope it helps me redistribute my weight, right now I have fat in my gut and waist, women normally do not store fat there, so I am hoping that the hormones will help me lose that fat.  If it puts more fat on my hips I am okay with that, a better female figure.  I hope it helps me with body hair.  I have tried electrolysis on my chest, tummy, and butt.  It did help some with hair, but I still have hair and I went for several sessions and that adds up.  That is why I also got the body hair removing cream.  Why not get facial hair cream?  I am waiting till I see how the body hair cream works first, maybe in 3 months when I order 3 months of the double strength hormones I will get facial hair remover also.  I hope it helps to soften my skin, women have softer smoother skin than men do.  I am losing the hair on my head, so I hope it helps with that.  I have read that it is testosterone that causes hair lose, so with the anti-androgen pills I hope that helps.  I would like to have my own long hair and not wear wigs.  And I hope it helps me develop breasts and nipples.  Yea I know this last one will take a long time to affect me, but I just hope it helps me fill out an A cup better.  And I hope I get some nipples, mine are small and do not get very hard, next time I think I will also get nipple cream.

What if this affects my male parts?  It can cause my balls to shrink .. I say okay it will make it easier to tuck them back up inside me, maybe then they will not fall back down.  What if it causes my penis to shrink?  Again it will make it easier to tuck.  I have not been with a woman in a while .. I am not turned on by them really any more, when I see a pretty woman I watch her like any other guy, but I am not thinking sexually about her, I am examining her, watching how she moves, her makeup, her clothing, her mannerisms.   Wishing I could fill out the clothing like she does, wishing I could look as sexy in the clothes as she does.  Also I do not think it is fair for the woman, they are normally looking for a guy for a long term relationship, and I cannot give a woman that.  I want to be a woman in a relationship.  So if I shrink because of this I am okay with that.  I do not really care about using my penis, I want to be a bottom girl.

I need to start taking pictures and measurements so I can have several days worth before I start to take the hormones, I want to take pictures and measurements daily so I can track how it affects me.  Link all the pictures together in order to watch how I change.  I will probably only post up about that stuff once a week, maybe once a month to start depending on how quickly it affects me.

XOXOXO
Vicky

My First Post - I have ordered Hormones!!

Hello and thank you for stopping by to my new blog about my transsexual transformation into a woman.  I used to have a blog here of the same name, but Google sent out email notices about adult content blogs and I removed my blog, but I have found other blogs still on Google that are adult in nature so I figured I would start my blog back up and if Google has a problem with it they will shut me down.  I started back up on wordpress .. but I did not like their blog setup.  It was harder to set up a page, I know they are trying to make money so they want you to pay for options, but I really liked the easy use of Google Blogger so I am back.  So why restart my blog?  Well I have recently ordered hormones and will start taking them,  I hope they should show up at the end of this week.  So I figured I would start back up a blog to document my journey into womanhood.  I had saved off my original blog, but I guess at somepoint since then and now I have deleted it from my computer cause I cannot file it.  So I will be starting a new blog over.

I know the first thing people will say is ‘ordered’, yes I ordered them off the internet, yes I know that is stupid, can be dangerous … but … I did it anyways.  I ordered from http://www.transformation.co.uk/  They have been around for 31 years, from what I have read online they are a good trusted source with quality products (and maybe 6 years ago I had ordered their hormone creams to try, I did the hour glass figure and breast and nipple ones … and they did make my hips grow and my breasts started to grow which freaked me out when I started to get the buds under my nipples starting to develop and push out .. I know I know .. what was I to expect! .. but never the less I freaked out and stopped).  Now I am ready to try it again and go through with it.  So I have ordered 3 month supplies of there standard strength oestrogen hormone,  anti androgen male hormone inhibitors,  oestrogen accelerator (to boost my natural female hormones), and triple strength body hair retardant.  I figure I will try this for 3 months, see how it effects me, see how I feel, how I am doing, and then try 3 months of their double strength, and then after that 3 months of triple strength.  So why not go to a doctor?  I did, there actually is a transsexual doctor near me that is a post-op woman herself.  I had several visits to her, she had me see a councilor which I did that agreed I was transgendered, the doctor even said she would put me on hormones .. so why go online?  Well it is more out of respect for her, not wanting her to think I am playing around, or make her feel bad if I freak out and stop.  Cause depending on how his effects me I might stop after 3 months, maybe even 1 month.  And I do not want the doctor to think I am just messing around.  This is a big thing, and something that does scare me.  After I take these I might go back to the doctor.


XOXOXO
Vicky