Short term goals

So starting next week, I cannot this week because I will be traveling some and busy for the rest of this week, so starting next Monday ... my goals are to bike every day for 25 min (1 TV episode with no commercials) and eat under 1000 calories a day.  Cereal is 3/4 a cup per serving, every morning I eat 1/2 a cup of cereal and 1/2 a cup of skim milk, this is around 150 calories.  Mid morning I have a yogurt which is about 150 calories.  Then lunch I eat frozen Healthy Choice meals which are between 200 to 300 calories (they have 25% of my daily salt, and some protean, but not a lot).  Then mid afternoon is another yogurt snack which is another 150 calories, and then dinner will be cereal again.  That is 800 to 900 calories a day.  I have eaten that little before when I was working on losing weight so I know I can do it for a month at a time.  I just need to commit and do it.  I need to not drink any calories, those are the worst, meaning no alcohol! and not eat any junk foods (chips/cookies/candy).  While I do like junk food, I have strong will when it comes to not eating it, alcohol is my downfall .. so I need to be strong and not drink any next week.  Then after a week I will see what I weigh and how it effects my waist line.  I really want to get back down my weight.  I graduated high school weighing 130 lbs so I should be able to get down to 140 lbs.  My biggest problem is when I first found out about transsexual women I tried to lie to myself about my desires and went crazy in the gym lifting weights so I now have a lot of body bulk that I need to work hard on getting ride of.

XOXOXO
Vicky

The first time I saw a transsexual woman

I think the first time I actually saw a transsexual woman was around 2000/2001.  I remember it was Raquel Reyes (I have started to post up my pictures of transsexual women on Luscious.net, so this link is to my pictures of her).  I was totally fascinated with her.  She was so beautiful with nice large breasts, but she had a cock hanging between her legs.  I new there were gay and lesbian people, but I had never every in a million years thought about a transsexual person.  I could not look away from her.  I searched more and more about her and found her web site.  I could not stop looking at her.

The next day she was all I could think about at work.  I kept closing my eyes and see her in my head.  I was hard all day thinking about her.  She was so sexy and beautiful, she was perfect!  I went home early 'sick' and the first thing I did when I got home was log onto her site and buy a membership and download every picture I could of her.  When I was done that I started looking for other beautiful transsexual women.  I think the second girl I found was Sapphire .  She is so pretty, so small and petite, little breasts, and her cock was so tiny between her legs.  She was an Asian girl, I have always had a thing for Asian girl and petite girls.  Looking at her pictures made me want to be a girl like her.  While I was fascinated with Raquel Reyes and loved looking at how sexy she way .. it was Sapphire that first made me think I wanted to be a girl like her too.  After seeing her I started looking in to online chat as a transsexual woman, claiming I was not functional because of hormones and a bottom only, and only changing to a girl if I could not find someone that wanted to chat with a transsexual woman.  She had such a small butt and little legs, and she looked so sexy showing it off on all fours, it just made me want to be like that. 

While looking at her Sapphire me want to be a girl like her, it was Nefertitit that made me want to be a bottom.  She is a hot sexy fit ebony girl with big breasts and a monster cock between her legs.  Looking at her and watching her top a guy made me instantly want to be a bottom for her.  (she also was the first girl I saw top a guy).  Watching her work her bottoms just made me want to bottom for her.

So here it was 2 days, one day to find out about transsexual woman, and the second day to quickly go from wanting to be one, to wanting to sexually be one.  At first it was wanting one to top me, but before that second night was over I wanted to bottom for a guy also and be like Sapphire.  So you can just think what that did to my mental state.  My whole world was turned upside down.  I was totally infatuated with transsexual women, they were all I could think about, all I did was watch movies of them and look at pictures of them, and wish to be one.  I lied to myself a lot about it, saying it was because I never had a girlfriend that would let me try anal sex.  But really that was a lie.  I went crazy in the gym working out to be all manly to try and fight the thoughts about wanting to be a girl.  I dated more girls trying to lie to myself about it .. but to be honest even when having sex with girls I could not stop thinking about transsexual women and how I wanted to be one.  So I ended up giving up dating girls all together, it was not fair for them, they were looking for a guy that I was not, I just wanted to be like the girls.

XOXOXO
Vicky

Clothing

I am not sure if anyone is reading this blog or not.  But I figured I would post up about clothing in case this helps some other girl like me.  The first couple times I bought girl clothing I was embarrassed and afraid.  I went online to crossdresser web sites and bought clothing from them.  My first advice to any girl is DO NOT buy from crossdresser sites.  Why?  Well because their quality is really bad and they way over charge you for what you get.  If you are looking to buy clothing go buy real women's clothing.  You can do it online or go into a store.  If you are not good with fashion sense going to a store and telling them you are looking for something for your wife or girlfriend is an easy way to get the person working there to help you pick out clothing.  I am really upset that Victoria's Secret no longer sells normal clothing, they had great quality clothes for a very good price!  I still show there for nightgowns and lingerie and swimsuits.  Another good play is Venus, yes Venus the swimsuits, they have very good clothing for a good price.  I will say at first I did not spend as much money on my women's clothing, but if you get the more expensive stuff you really do get better quality clothing.  I also often shop at Bloomingdales, Nordstrom, Boston Proper, Macys.    Another good place to get lingerie is Bare Necessities.  I have just started shopping at Forever21, but their clothes are very much on the small size!  I am also looking to try some stuff from NastyGal

If you are getting a dress or top, then the most important measurement is your chest, over your breasts.  As a guy you are going to be wider here.   Another important thing is your biceps, guys normally have larger arms then women do.  I find for skirts I do not worry about the hips, I look at the waist size.  Guys have slammer hips than girls, and normally larger waists.

So I know they are a little more expensive but currently my 2 favorite lingerie makers are Marlies Dekkers and Dita Von Teese.  Their lingerie is made to be seen and look absolutely gorgeous!!!  They are a bit pricy, but they are just lovely and fit great!!!!
 
XOXOXO
Vicky

Love Glider Fucking Machine

While I love playing with my ass and putting things up there, I have not yet actually been with a guy yet.  I am kind of waiting till I get my body back into shape and get below 150 lbs again.  I need to get off my lazy butt and start working out again and watching what I eat and stop drinking alcohol (that is a lot of taste but wasted calories!).  So I was thinking of getting the Love Glider Fucking Machine so I could practice riding a cock.  Practice how to work a cock with my ass as it goes in and out.  I find it hard when using a dildo with my hands to really work it with my ass.  I want to be able to milk a cock with my ass, practice tightening when he pulls out and loosening when he pushes into me.  I think this would be a great toy to simulate sex so I can work on how to fuck.  This way my first time I will be a pro and make my man happy and cum hard in my ass.  I am thinking I will order this in a couple weeks (along with the 8" dildo).  Once I get it and try it I will post up my review of it

XOXOXO
Vicky

First Week of Hormones is done!

So I have now officially finished my first week on hormones.  No changes to report.  No body changes yet, no body hair changes yet, no breast development yet, no hip growth, no waist slimming, but also no side effects either.  I still get hard, I still get off.  I have noticed that if I do get a random hardon it seems to go soft quickly, not sure if it is any quicker or just I am thinking it is because of the hormones, so cannot really say this is a change.  I really do not expect any changes for a while.  I do not even really expect much changes from this first 3 month round of hormones.  But I am in this for the long run, so I will keep going knowing that there will be changes in the future.  After 2 months I will reorder another 3 month supply but up to the double strength hormones.  I might try picking up breast and nipple development creams (I really want nipples), or I might wait till the 3rd round of 3 month supply when I go to the triple strength.

XOXOXO
Vicky

Online Chatting

I think it was the late 90's I discovered online chatting and I was so excited about it.  While I often looked at pornographic pictures and movies I have to say what really turned me on was reading erotica.  I liked it more because I was able to use my own imagination and my own mind to see what was going on as I read, I was able to add in little extra details, embellish where I thought it was needed.  It is harder to do that when looking at pictures or watching a movie, you see everything there is.  So when I found online sex chatting I was thrilled about it.  This was also before I found out about transsexual women and realized there was such a thing.  I think it was a couple years later that I found transsexual women online, around 2000, maybe 2001.  But that is another post, so back to online chatting.  So I logged in as myself and tried to find a woman to chat with.  Now being a guy it was hard to get women to want to chat, or to get them from leaving the chat.  I was very descriptive and I think the was not what they were looking for, I wanted a story, set up a scene, establish what people were wearing, but it seemed most women just did not care about that, they really did not seem to be that into it, or interested and I found I did most of the typing.  There were also many more guys online then women.  And I always had to hunt down the women to chat with them, and normally it took a while to find one that would actually talk.  I tried different web sites, different names, different approach lines.  But it did not seem to be working.  I am not sure what made me think about this .. but one night I was horny after trying to start several chats and failing that I logged off and logged back on as a women.  I told myself that I would just type what I wished the girl would do to me, it was not gay, I was not doing this to the guy, I was thinking about what the girl would do to me.  I instantly got several PMs about wanting to chat.  I have to say my heart was beating fast and I was excited.

So I spent that night talking with guys about sucking them off and being fucked by them.  The guys liked my descriptions, my focus on detail.  The guys seemed to like how I chatted and talked with them.  They liked me setting up a scene for them, tell them what I was wearing.  I also did not realize it at first .. but I was not really thinking about what I wanted a girl to do to me, I was actually picturing myself as the girl doing this to them.  But once I realized it it really did not bother me because I was turned on by it.  So I kept talking with guys night after night and being the girl.  I went online and read and watched videos about giving blow jobs so I could better describe what I was doing to them.  I watched porn to research the girl so I could better chat online with guys about being fucked.  I also figured out that many guys would not ask about anal sex, but if I brought it up they would jump at it.  So I started shifting away from talking about vaginal sex to anal sex .. and fingering my butt while talking with them.  I also created a special email account as a girl so I could email people when they wanted to keep in touch or try to coordinate chatting.  I scraped the net for pictures of girls I could send to guys and say I was here.  I need girls that had different photo shoots so I could have different outfits to send and pretend it was me.  I wanted ones that did not look like there were done in a photo studio, and having some naked pictures was also great to send along (a favorite was Divinity18 also known as Jayden, I think she was underage when she started posting pictures, but she never showed her nipples, most of the pictures she had clothes on but she always stripped but covered her breasts, so you only got side or bottom or top boob view, never nipple or full naked breasts ... guys online seemed to really like this.  I actually paid for her web site so I could get her pictures to use online and say I was her! Here are some online pictures of her to link1 link2 link3  link4  I have over 4,000 pictures of her).  I created different personalities to go with the different girls in the pictures.  I had one girl that was young, petite and slutty, one that was and older milf with large breasts, I sometimes pretended I was a trophy wife looking to cheat on my husband, or an athletic girl in college, or a black girl, or Asian, or Hispanic.  It got to the point where I needed to keep notes on which girl I was with which guy, which pictures I was wending to who.  I was way more popular as a woman online chatting by a billion times than I was as a guy trying to chat with girls.

Now this was shortly after college, and I was kind of between my crossdressing times.  I did not have my sister's old clothes and had not yet started to buy my own women's clothing.  But this pushed me into it, I went out and bought some clothes to wear while chatting with guys about being a girl.  I would dress up so I could explain to them what I had on (I always altered how I explained it to fit my mood .. but if I said I had a dress on I did have some kind of dress on, if I said I had a skirt and blouse I would have a skirt and blouse on for real) and slowly strip while chatting with them before jerking off myself.

A couple years later when I found out about transsexual women I quickly shifted my online persona to be a transsexual woman.  Back then there were some nights I would have trouble finding a guy that wanted to talk with a transsexual woman and I would just change names and be a normal girl for that night.  Now a days I never had trouble finding guys to talk with as a transsexual woman.  I still chat online a good amount, I go through times where I chat more and others where I chat less.  I even sometimes join gay chat channels as just be a sissy boy in a dress, but most of the time I play the transsexual woman that I wish I was.

XOXOXO
Vicky

Almost done my first week of hormones!

So tomorrow will be the end of my first week on hormones!  Yea!  Not really much changes yet, which is to be expected.  I really do not expect much change over this first 3 months.  I figure the second 3 months when I up to the double strength hormones might start to show some change.  I figure this first 3 months is my body getting used to it, slowing down my testosterone production and increasing my estrogen production.  There are 2 things I do hope might change over the first 3 months .. I hope my body hair does lessen and I hope my waist gets smaller.  I need to get off my lazy butt and start working out again .. and that will help my figure.  It would also be nice if my chest gets a little more mass, but I understand breast development takes a long time .. could be over a year.  I would rather develop slower and be healthier than fast and not be health and have issues later on.

XOXOXO
Vicky