Short term goals

So starting next week, I cannot this week because I will be traveling some and busy for the rest of this week, so starting next Monday ... my goals are to bike every day for 25 min (1 TV episode with no commercials) and eat under 1000 calories a day.  Cereal is 3/4 a cup per serving, every morning I eat 1/2 a cup of cereal and 1/2 a cup of skim milk, this is around 150 calories.  Mid morning I have a yogurt which is about 150 calories.  Then lunch I eat frozen Healthy Choice meals which are between 200 to 300 calories (they have 25% of my daily salt, and some protean, but not a lot).  Then mid afternoon is another yogurt snack which is another 150 calories, and then dinner will be cereal again.  That is 800 to 900 calories a day.  I have eaten that little before when I was working on losing weight so I know I can do it for a month at a time.  I just need to commit and do it.  I need to not drink any calories, those are the worst, meaning no alcohol! and not eat any junk foods (chips/cookies/candy).  While I do like junk food, I have strong will when it comes to not eating it, alcohol is my downfall .. so I need to be strong and not drink any next week.  Then after a week I will see what I weigh and how it effects my waist line.  I really want to get back down my weight.  I graduated high school weighing 130 lbs so I should be able to get down to 140 lbs.  My biggest problem is when I first found out about transsexual women I tried to lie to myself about my desires and went crazy in the gym lifting weights so I now have a lot of body bulk that I need to work hard on getting ride of.

XOXOXO
Vicky

The first time I saw a transsexual woman

I think the first time I actually saw a transsexual woman was around 2000/2001.  I remember it was Raquel Reyes (I have started to post up my pictures of transsexual women on Luscious.net, so this link is to my pictures of her).  I was totally fascinated with her.  She was so beautiful with nice large breasts, but she had a cock hanging between her legs.  I new there were gay and lesbian people, but I had never every in a million years thought about a transsexual person.  I could not look away from her.  I searched more and more about her and found her web site.  I could not stop looking at her.

The next day she was all I could think about at work.  I kept closing my eyes and see her in my head.  I was hard all day thinking about her.  She was so sexy and beautiful, she was perfect!  I went home early 'sick' and the first thing I did when I got home was log onto her site and buy a membership and download every picture I could of her.  When I was done that I started looking for other beautiful transsexual women.  I think the second girl I found was Sapphire .  She is so pretty, so small and petite, little breasts, and her cock was so tiny between her legs.  She was an Asian girl, I have always had a thing for Asian girl and petite girls.  Looking at her pictures made me want to be a girl like her.  While I was fascinated with Raquel Reyes and loved looking at how sexy she way .. it was Sapphire that first made me think I wanted to be a girl like her too.  After seeing her I started looking in to online chat as a transsexual woman, claiming I was not functional because of hormones and a bottom only, and only changing to a girl if I could not find someone that wanted to chat with a transsexual woman.  She had such a small butt and little legs, and she looked so sexy showing it off on all fours, it just made me want to be like that. 

While looking at her Sapphire me want to be a girl like her, it was Nefertitit that made me want to be a bottom.  She is a hot sexy fit ebony girl with big breasts and a monster cock between her legs.  Looking at her and watching her top a guy made me instantly want to be a bottom for her.  (she also was the first girl I saw top a guy).  Watching her work her bottoms just made me want to bottom for her.

So here it was 2 days, one day to find out about transsexual woman, and the second day to quickly go from wanting to be one, to wanting to sexually be one.  At first it was wanting one to top me, but before that second night was over I wanted to bottom for a guy also and be like Sapphire.  So you can just think what that did to my mental state.  My whole world was turned upside down.  I was totally infatuated with transsexual women, they were all I could think about, all I did was watch movies of them and look at pictures of them, and wish to be one.  I lied to myself a lot about it, saying it was because I never had a girlfriend that would let me try anal sex.  But really that was a lie.  I went crazy in the gym working out to be all manly to try and fight the thoughts about wanting to be a girl.  I dated more girls trying to lie to myself about it .. but to be honest even when having sex with girls I could not stop thinking about transsexual women and how I wanted to be one.  So I ended up giving up dating girls all together, it was not fair for them, they were looking for a guy that I was not, I just wanted to be like the girls.

XOXOXO
Vicky

Clothing

I am not sure if anyone is reading this blog or not.  But I figured I would post up about clothing in case this helps some other girl like me.  The first couple times I bought girl clothing I was embarrassed and afraid.  I went online to crossdresser web sites and bought clothing from them.  My first advice to any girl is DO NOT buy from crossdresser sites.  Why?  Well because their quality is really bad and they way over charge you for what you get.  If you are looking to buy clothing go buy real women's clothing.  You can do it online or go into a store.  If you are not good with fashion sense going to a store and telling them you are looking for something for your wife or girlfriend is an easy way to get the person working there to help you pick out clothing.  I am really upset that Victoria's Secret no longer sells normal clothing, they had great quality clothes for a very good price!  I still show there for nightgowns and lingerie and swimsuits.  Another good play is Venus, yes Venus the swimsuits, they have very good clothing for a good price.  I will say at first I did not spend as much money on my women's clothing, but if you get the more expensive stuff you really do get better quality clothing.  I also often shop at Bloomingdales, Nordstrom, Boston Proper, Macys.    Another good place to get lingerie is Bare Necessities.  I have just started shopping at Forever21, but their clothes are very much on the small size!  I am also looking to try some stuff from NastyGal

If you are getting a dress or top, then the most important measurement is your chest, over your breasts.  As a guy you are going to be wider here.   Another important thing is your biceps, guys normally have larger arms then women do.  I find for skirts I do not worry about the hips, I look at the waist size.  Guys have slammer hips than girls, and normally larger waists.

So I know they are a little more expensive but currently my 2 favorite lingerie makers are Marlies Dekkers and Dita Von Teese.  Their lingerie is made to be seen and look absolutely gorgeous!!!  They are a bit pricy, but they are just lovely and fit great!!!!
 
XOXOXO
Vicky

Love Glider Fucking Machine

While I love playing with my ass and putting things up there, I have not yet actually been with a guy yet.  I am kind of waiting till I get my body back into shape and get below 150 lbs again.  I need to get off my lazy butt and start working out again and watching what I eat and stop drinking alcohol (that is a lot of taste but wasted calories!).  So I was thinking of getting the Love Glider Fucking Machine so I could practice riding a cock.  Practice how to work a cock with my ass as it goes in and out.  I find it hard when using a dildo with my hands to really work it with my ass.  I want to be able to milk a cock with my ass, practice tightening when he pulls out and loosening when he pushes into me.  I think this would be a great toy to simulate sex so I can work on how to fuck.  This way my first time I will be a pro and make my man happy and cum hard in my ass.  I am thinking I will order this in a couple weeks (along with the 8" dildo).  Once I get it and try it I will post up my review of it

XOXOXO
Vicky

First Week of Hormones is done!

So I have now officially finished my first week on hormones.  No changes to report.  No body changes yet, no body hair changes yet, no breast development yet, no hip growth, no waist slimming, but also no side effects either.  I still get hard, I still get off.  I have noticed that if I do get a random hardon it seems to go soft quickly, not sure if it is any quicker or just I am thinking it is because of the hormones, so cannot really say this is a change.  I really do not expect any changes for a while.  I do not even really expect much changes from this first 3 month round of hormones.  But I am in this for the long run, so I will keep going knowing that there will be changes in the future.  After 2 months I will reorder another 3 month supply but up to the double strength hormones.  I might try picking up breast and nipple development creams (I really want nipples), or I might wait till the 3rd round of 3 month supply when I go to the triple strength.

XOXOXO
Vicky

Online Chatting

I think it was the late 90's I discovered online chatting and I was so excited about it.  While I often looked at pornographic pictures and movies I have to say what really turned me on was reading erotica.  I liked it more because I was able to use my own imagination and my own mind to see what was going on as I read, I was able to add in little extra details, embellish where I thought it was needed.  It is harder to do that when looking at pictures or watching a movie, you see everything there is.  So when I found online sex chatting I was thrilled about it.  This was also before I found out about transsexual women and realized there was such a thing.  I think it was a couple years later that I found transsexual women online, around 2000, maybe 2001.  But that is another post, so back to online chatting.  So I logged in as myself and tried to find a woman to chat with.  Now being a guy it was hard to get women to want to chat, or to get them from leaving the chat.  I was very descriptive and I think the was not what they were looking for, I wanted a story, set up a scene, establish what people were wearing, but it seemed most women just did not care about that, they really did not seem to be that into it, or interested and I found I did most of the typing.  There were also many more guys online then women.  And I always had to hunt down the women to chat with them, and normally it took a while to find one that would actually talk.  I tried different web sites, different names, different approach lines.  But it did not seem to be working.  I am not sure what made me think about this .. but one night I was horny after trying to start several chats and failing that I logged off and logged back on as a women.  I told myself that I would just type what I wished the girl would do to me, it was not gay, I was not doing this to the guy, I was thinking about what the girl would do to me.  I instantly got several PMs about wanting to chat.  I have to say my heart was beating fast and I was excited.

So I spent that night talking with guys about sucking them off and being fucked by them.  The guys liked my descriptions, my focus on detail.  The guys seemed to like how I chatted and talked with them.  They liked me setting up a scene for them, tell them what I was wearing.  I also did not realize it at first .. but I was not really thinking about what I wanted a girl to do to me, I was actually picturing myself as the girl doing this to them.  But once I realized it it really did not bother me because I was turned on by it.  So I kept talking with guys night after night and being the girl.  I went online and read and watched videos about giving blow jobs so I could better describe what I was doing to them.  I watched porn to research the girl so I could better chat online with guys about being fucked.  I also figured out that many guys would not ask about anal sex, but if I brought it up they would jump at it.  So I started shifting away from talking about vaginal sex to anal sex .. and fingering my butt while talking with them.  I also created a special email account as a girl so I could email people when they wanted to keep in touch or try to coordinate chatting.  I scraped the net for pictures of girls I could send to guys and say I was here.  I need girls that had different photo shoots so I could have different outfits to send and pretend it was me.  I wanted ones that did not look like there were done in a photo studio, and having some naked pictures was also great to send along (a favorite was Divinity18 also known as Jayden, I think she was underage when she started posting pictures, but she never showed her nipples, most of the pictures she had clothes on but she always stripped but covered her breasts, so you only got side or bottom or top boob view, never nipple or full naked breasts ... guys online seemed to really like this.  I actually paid for her web site so I could get her pictures to use online and say I was her! Here are some online pictures of her to link1 link2 link3  link4  I have over 4,000 pictures of her).  I created different personalities to go with the different girls in the pictures.  I had one girl that was young, petite and slutty, one that was and older milf with large breasts, I sometimes pretended I was a trophy wife looking to cheat on my husband, or an athletic girl in college, or a black girl, or Asian, or Hispanic.  It got to the point where I needed to keep notes on which girl I was with which guy, which pictures I was wending to who.  I was way more popular as a woman online chatting by a billion times than I was as a guy trying to chat with girls.

Now this was shortly after college, and I was kind of between my crossdressing times.  I did not have my sister's old clothes and had not yet started to buy my own women's clothing.  But this pushed me into it, I went out and bought some clothes to wear while chatting with guys about being a girl.  I would dress up so I could explain to them what I had on (I always altered how I explained it to fit my mood .. but if I said I had a dress on I did have some kind of dress on, if I said I had a skirt and blouse I would have a skirt and blouse on for real) and slowly strip while chatting with them before jerking off myself.

A couple years later when I found out about transsexual women I quickly shifted my online persona to be a transsexual woman.  Back then there were some nights I would have trouble finding a guy that wanted to talk with a transsexual woman and I would just change names and be a normal girl for that night.  Now a days I never had trouble finding guys to talk with as a transsexual woman.  I still chat online a good amount, I go through times where I chat more and others where I chat less.  I even sometimes join gay chat channels as just be a sissy boy in a dress, but most of the time I play the transsexual woman that I wish I was.

XOXOXO
Vicky

Almost done my first week of hormones!

So tomorrow will be the end of my first week on hormones!  Yea!  Not really much changes yet, which is to be expected.  I really do not expect much change over this first 3 months.  I figure the second 3 months when I up to the double strength hormones might start to show some change.  I figure this first 3 months is my body getting used to it, slowing down my testosterone production and increasing my estrogen production.  There are 2 things I do hope might change over the first 3 months .. I hope my body hair does lessen and I hope my waist gets smaller.  I need to get off my lazy butt and start working out again .. and that will help my figure.  It would also be nice if my chest gets a little more mass, but I understand breast development takes a long time .. could be over a year.  I would rather develop slower and be healthier than fast and not be health and have issues later on.

XOXOXO
Vicky

And yet another sign .....

So something I forgot in my last post as another sign I should have realized .... I used to suck myself off.  Yea I was very flexible as a kid and I could actually get my lips half way around my head and suck.  And sticking my tongue out I could reach all of my head and just the edge of the shaft.  And I used to love it!  It felt so good to have my warm wet lips on my head.  I would flip my legs over my head and suck myself and jerk off into my mouth.  I never thought it was wrong, or strange, or gay.  It just felt good.  And when I cam I just swallowed it.  Again it did not seem wrong or gay, it was in my mouth.  There was no where to put it in my bedroom, so I would just swallow it.  I never gave it a second thought.  The first time I tried it and I cam I just sucked and swallowed it down.

Now that I am older and badly out of shape I can no longer suck myself.  I have lost a lot of my flexibility but an still more flexible then the average person.  I need to get my gut into shape so I can suck myself again.  While I cannot touch my lips to my head anymore I still do swallow my own cum.  Sometimes I will flip my legs over and shot onto my face.  Sometimes I cum into a shot glass and shot it after.  But the most recent thing I found that i love is the flesh light!!!!  I take it out of the case.  Push myself into it, flip my legs over and put my lips on the bottom opening.  So now when I cum it aims it into my mouth.  Before when I would cum on my face I often would get it all over, this way I get it all into my mouth.

XOXOXO
Vicky

Why am I this way?

Over the last decade I have tried to understand myself.  Struggling  with what I was feeling, who I was, why I am this way.  I have often wondered if there was something wrong with me.  Wondered where I went 'wrong'.  Looking back over my life I think there are many 'signs' pointing towards the way I am, things that point to me being me.  Most of them alone do not say why I am the way I am ... but looking at them all as a whole maybe was signs?

So I love the color pink, it is my favorite color, second is light purple.  I have always lied about it, always said blue or green.  If there was a game where I could be the pink peg, I would always take it and try to make it look like I was not looking, and if someone pointed it out I would just say oh I did not realize it, well I started with this one so I will keep going with it.  It was hard to get clothing that was pink as a boy.

My favorite thing to play with was my older sister's Barbie dolls.  I just used to love playing dress-up with them, fixing their hair, making them talk together, go out shopping, on dates with Ken, having a wedding.  If I wanted to do something with my sister she always said it had to be Barbies, I pretended like I did not want to play, but secretly loved it.  My father did not like me playing with dolls, so my mother got me some ken dolls, I even had the six million dollar man 'action figure' doll.  But I normally just dropped them for a Barbie.

My second favorite thing to play was dressing up in my sister's ballerina costumes and putting on shows with her for my mother.  I always tried to pick a pink leotard and tutu.

I loved dressing up in my older sister's clothing.  I think if I had to pick one thing ... I think that might have been 'what was wrong with me' why I am the way I am.  So from before I can remember my mother and sister used to dress me up in her old clothes like a living doll.  They did my hair (sometimes in curlers) and put makeup on me.  And I would spend the day like that playing around the house.  They might change my outfits several times throughout the day.  My mother always made sure I was back to normal before my father came home.  But as all things, at some point you get caught.  One day my father came home early and saw me like this and totally lost it.  After that I was dressed up less and less.  My mother used to say that my father would not approve and we need to stop.  So one day I dressed myself up.  I put on makeup, I looked like a scary clown.  And I sat down to play.  When my mother saw me she freaked out.  She did not know what to do.  I got in so much trouble, and that taught me to hide myself.  So I did.  Being young I was never left home alone and could not really find a time to dress up.  Sometimes if I thought I had a little time I would sneak into my sisters room and dress-up even if for only 5 min before quickly changing back.  I started to wear her panties under my normal clothes so I could have something girl on.  The pinker, cuter, rufflier the better.  I even would steal her pajamas and nightshirts to sleep in, quickly changing when I woke up before I left my room and hiding it between my mattress and box spring.  As I got older and was left home alone I would spend any second I was home alone dressed as a girl.  I remember the first time I was left alone.  As soon as the door closed I rushed to my sister's room, looking back I should have waited till they drove away, but I did not.  I remember exactly what I put on.  I put on soft pink cotton panties, a white little training bra, and a dark purple fuzzy dress it was knee length and had long sleeves, a square neck, and fitted tight at the waist.  I put on a thin black belt and a large brim sun hat.  I just sat around the house and played like that.  I loved the feeling of that dress against my skin, it became my favorite thing to wear.

Looking back I think the biggest sign of my sexuality might have been that the first time I did anything sexual was putting the leg of a Barbie doll in my butt.  I do not know why I did it.  I was home alone.  I was playing with the Barbies.  I went into the bathroom to go pee and brought one of them in with me.  I got up from the toilet my panties around my ankles, lifted up the skirt I was wearing and pushed the leg against my ass.  It did not go in easily so I got out the Vaseline and lubed it up and pushed it back against my ass and it went in so easily and painlessly.  If you think about it a Barbie doll leg is perfect, the toes are tapered and thin, the leg gets a little thicker as it goes up, the thickest point is not very thick, it can bend, and the upper body is a great handle!  I remember leaning against the sink bent forwards a little with my legs spread as wide as the panties would let me and worked my butt with the Barbie doll's leg while looking at myself in the mirror.  I had on a hot pink tank top with ruffles on the shoulders, the skirt was a simple white flowing skirt that was knee length with dark purple flowers printed on it, white cotton panties at my ankles, and a white bra stuffed with socks.  That was my first sexual experience, not jerking off, but working my ass.  Yea that should have told me something.  But it felt so good.  God it felt so good.  Over time I tried different things.  I do not know where I got it from or why, but I had a gold painted railroad spike.  That was good, the bottom was blunt and tapered, it was thicker than a Barbie doll leg (but not as thick as both legs), and the top was flat and large and something to hold onto as I worked my ass with it.  I tried a drumstick, but did not like it, was afraid I would push it in to far and hurt myself.  I tried food .. carrots, cucumbers, bananas ... did not like it as much.  I would just either use the railroad spike or the Barbie doll's leg.  I also learned quickly that the smell of your ass does not wash off easily, so I would use saran wrap to wrap the leg or spike first before I used Vaseline on it.

It took me a few times working my butt with the Barbie doll before I even tried jerking off.  So another sign ... the first time I got off I had a Barbie doll leg up my ass ... yea I should have seen this.  So like most boys I jerked off to women, I would look at any kind of magazine I could find, my sister always had tons of girl teen magazines that I would steal and jerk off to.  Now when I say jerk off to pictures ... I was not thinking about the women sexually, as in wanting to have sex with them.  No I was thinking about how the looked, how the outfits fit them, how sexy they looked, or how cute they looked, sometimes I wished my sister would get the outfits so I could wear them (that really got me horny, thinking wanting their clothes .. this should have been a sign to me), but never once did I think about wanting to fuck them, that thought never entered my mind.  I had gotten my hands on some playboys from a friend, and I used to jerk off to them also, but again never thinking sexually about the woman, it was more looking at her gorgeous body and being amazed by how it looked, how soft it looked, how sexy it looked, how lucky she way, but again it was never about wanting to have sex with her.  I do remember thinking she was lucky for her body .. but never really remember wanting to have her body.  I do remembering wishing I could fill out the dress and blouses like they did, but at that point I never thought about being them.  I just wanted to fit in the clothing better and not need socks in the bras.

Wow, this turned out to be a long post.  I just started writing and thinking about my childhood and this post happened.  Well I need to get breakfast and caffeine in me.  So I am going to go for now.  Need to use my anti-body hair cream!

XOXOXO
Vicky

First full day on hormones!

Well today is my first full day on hormones!  So far I do not see any side effects, no dizziness or head aches, no stomach aches.  Another side effect can be hot flashes, none so far, but I think those take a little time before you have them.

So what is my end goal?  A woman's figure.  So I stand 5'8".  A couple years ago I was down to 148 or so pounds and size 6 skirts were getting very lose in the waistline which measured at 27", but size 4 skirts where to tight.  So since I was that size I can get there again, just need to not get lazy and slack and gain back the weight.  Currently I am around 167 or so lbs, been bouncing around 2 lbs up or down around there for the last week or 2.  Really I do not care what my end weight is, as long as I have the woman's figure.  My upper body has muscle bulk from when I was younger and did not understand my sexuality, and I thought that if I got more manly it would go away so I worked out a lot.  Now I have all that muscle bulk on my body, I hope the hormones will help me drop some of that.  I might lift lots of light reps and see if that helps burn down the muscle and with the hormones and anti testosterone pills not build it back up (I hope).  But I think I need to wait a month or two before I try that to let the hormones get into my body and effect me.  I also would like it if my thighs did not tough on the inside, my legs are big, and I want to thin them down.  When I was younger I actually used to weigh like 130 lbs ... I wonder if I can get back down to that weight?  I would be happy with around 140 lbs.  But really I do not care as long as I have a woman's figure.  And do not wear anything larger than a woman's size Medium.  Currently on most clothing I do wear medium.

XOXOXO
Vicky

Got my hormones today!!!

I started taking my hormones today!  If I had actually looked at my mail yesterday instead of putting it on the table, I would have seen the slip from the post office that my package was in and I could have gotten it yesterday.  So I have now taken one dose of the pills! 

XOXOXO
Vicky

Why take hormones?

So why am I starting taking hormones now?  Well I have been thinking a lot about hormones for a while now.  And the web site I got them from is running a sale where everything is like 50% off, so it was much cheaper to try it now, so if you are interested go see my earlier post and go check our their store.

And what do I hope to get out of this?  Well many things.  I hope to better feminize my body so I fit into women's clothing better.  I hope it helps me redistribute my weight, right now I have fat in my gut and waist, women normally do not store fat there, so I am hoping that the hormones will help me lose that fat.  If it puts more fat on my hips I am okay with that, a better female figure.  I hope it helps me with body hair.  I have tried electrolysis on my chest, tummy, and butt.  It did help some with hair, but I still have hair and I went for several sessions and that adds up.  That is why I also got the body hair removing cream.  Why not get facial hair cream?  I am waiting till I see how the body hair cream works first, maybe in 3 months when I order 3 months of the double strength hormones I will get facial hair remover also.  I hope it helps to soften my skin, women have softer smoother skin than men do.  I am losing the hair on my head, so I hope it helps with that.  I have read that it is testosterone that causes hair lose, so with the anti-androgen pills I hope that helps.  I would like to have my own long hair and not wear wigs.  And I hope it helps me develop breasts and nipples.  Yea I know this last one will take a long time to affect me, but I just hope it helps me fill out an A cup better.  And I hope I get some nipples, mine are small and do not get very hard, next time I think I will also get nipple cream.

What if this affects my male parts?  It can cause my balls to shrink .. I say okay it will make it easier to tuck them back up inside me, maybe then they will not fall back down.  What if it causes my penis to shrink?  Again it will make it easier to tuck.  I have not been with a woman in a while .. I am not turned on by them really any more, when I see a pretty woman I watch her like any other guy, but I am not thinking sexually about her, I am examining her, watching how she moves, her makeup, her clothing, her mannerisms.   Wishing I could fill out the clothing like she does, wishing I could look as sexy in the clothes as she does.  Also I do not think it is fair for the woman, they are normally looking for a guy for a long term relationship, and I cannot give a woman that.  I want to be a woman in a relationship.  So if I shrink because of this I am okay with that.  I do not really care about using my penis, I want to be a bottom girl.

I need to start taking pictures and measurements so I can have several days worth before I start to take the hormones, I want to take pictures and measurements daily so I can track how it affects me.  Link all the pictures together in order to watch how I change.  I will probably only post up about that stuff once a week, maybe once a month to start depending on how quickly it affects me.

XOXOXO
Vicky

My First Post - I have ordered Hormones!!

Hello and thank you for stopping by to my new blog about my transsexual transformation into a woman.  I used to have a blog here of the same name, but Google sent out email notices about adult content blogs and I removed my blog, but I have found other blogs still on Google that are adult in nature so I figured I would start my blog back up and if Google has a problem with it they will shut me down.  I started back up on wordpress .. but I did not like their blog setup.  It was harder to set up a page, I know they are trying to make money so they want you to pay for options, but I really liked the easy use of Google Blogger so I am back.  So why restart my blog?  Well I have recently ordered hormones and will start taking them,  I hope they should show up at the end of this week.  So I figured I would start back up a blog to document my journey into womanhood.  I had saved off my original blog, but I guess at somepoint since then and now I have deleted it from my computer cause I cannot file it.  So I will be starting a new blog over.

I know the first thing people will say is ‘ordered’, yes I ordered them off the internet, yes I know that is stupid, can be dangerous … but … I did it anyways.  I ordered from http://www.transformation.co.uk/  They have been around for 31 years, from what I have read online they are a good trusted source with quality products (and maybe 6 years ago I had ordered their hormone creams to try, I did the hour glass figure and breast and nipple ones … and they did make my hips grow and my breasts started to grow which freaked me out when I started to get the buds under my nipples starting to develop and push out .. I know I know .. what was I to expect! .. but never the less I freaked out and stopped).  Now I am ready to try it again and go through with it.  So I have ordered 3 month supplies of there standard strength oestrogen hormone,  anti androgen male hormone inhibitors,  oestrogen accelerator (to boost my natural female hormones), and triple strength body hair retardant.  I figure I will try this for 3 months, see how it effects me, see how I feel, how I am doing, and then try 3 months of their double strength, and then after that 3 months of triple strength.  So why not go to a doctor?  I did, there actually is a transsexual doctor near me that is a post-op woman herself.  I had several visits to her, she had me see a councilor which I did that agreed I was transgendered, the doctor even said she would put me on hormones .. so why go online?  Well it is more out of respect for her, not wanting her to think I am playing around, or make her feel bad if I freak out and stop.  Cause depending on how his effects me I might stop after 3 months, maybe even 1 month.  And I do not want the doctor to think I am just messing around.  This is a big thing, and something that does scare me.  After I take these I might go back to the doctor.


XOXOXO
Vicky